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 how do i, second maiden | trystane
MYRCELLA TYRELL
 Posted: Apr 29 2017, 01:27 PM
Quote
Princess of Dorne
The Golden Viper
Sworn to House Martell
THE REACH
16 years
Lena • 348 posts • She/Her
Offline


how do i say goodbye
when i've loved you for so long?

Myrcella had wrung her hands so many times she swore her skin would likely jump off the bone to get her to stop and somehow still it stayed, rubbed raw and reeling. This was not a conversation she wanted to have. This was not a conversation she had ever thought she would have to have. Not so long ago she had dreamed of being married, dreamed of spending the days after encased in her husband’s arms and locked away from the world where only he could see… What a shame, to have gotten her wish with the wrong man.

And that left her having to say goodbye to the man who had truly loved her, to the man who had known her and stayed loyal to her no matter what had come their way, no matter what she had done. Trystane was everything Myrcella had ever wanted, everything she had ever seen herself with and now… Now he was a lost first love and she belonged to another man, a man who had slept with her cousin even when she had offered herself to him. But what could she say of that when she soon after found herself taken by Trystane as well?

Both had found themselves entering a marriage unhappily, taking one another with the memory of another on their skin. And yet still the sadder moment was this, when she would have to finally put an end to a lifelong love that had only been able to light on fire for as long as it took to burn out, which was sadly never long enough when one dreamed of a wildfire of a love. What a shame, the idea of what could have been.

At the sound of approaching footsteps, Myrcella’s golden hair flew behind her as her head turned quickly to see who had come. She had written the note of when and where to meet her and left it upon Trystane’s pillow a few days prior, the only way to find a moment between them with the wedding and leaving plans what they were. And now here she was, in a little corner of solitude in a castle that had always been their home. Not many came here Myrcella knew, mostly from many years of hiding there with him in the past, and it broke her heart to tarnish the location with such a discussion but she couldn’t think of anywhere else to find true privacy.

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TRYSTANE MARTELL
 Posted: May 5 2017, 08:27 PM
Quote
Prince of Dorne
Gentle Sun
Sworn to the Seven Kingdoms
DORNE
18 years
Rikuva • 101 posts • She/Her
Offline


USED TO HAVE A LIGHT
were my light
for myrcella
The note was her handwriting, Trystane could recognize that. He'd been able to recognize it for many years, and would be able to for the rest of his life. He'd kept it on his person, tight to him since then, had pulled it out and stared at the words upon them as if they might float off the page if he were not careful. Which, judging from how things had gone, was a distinct possibility. Being too carefree, relaxed, scared even, had led to the love itself being snatched away like a hawk did a mouse. He could never afford such a mistake. He needed to be vigilant now that it was too late, lest things fall apart further.

It was a spot he knew well, was populated by too many memories to count. Even as he walked the halls it was overwhelming. He wanted to stop almost, to give up. He couldn't do this, the pain was too great. Breaking apart when they already were broken. He couldn't handle it.

But she needed closure. She had a family now, a new duty. She needed closure. Trystane could wallow, could be sorrowful and miserable for moons to come, but Myrcella could not. That was why she needed him now, so that she could get it over with, get him gone. Make him disappear even though Trystane felt he could never do the same to her figure. Her hair whipped over her shoulder and Trystane could see a thousand smiles on her face, but none of them were there now, no those were smiles long past, long dead. Now there was nothing but anxiety, terror almost upon her face. Primarily though, Trystane knew her face was wrought with sorrow and regret. He'd done this. He'd caused this. It was the least he could do to be here with her now even though it was hard for him. He started to speak, but failed. He stopped, breathed through his nose, and started again. "I'm here." It was simple, but it spoke volumes. He was here, he was always here, he would always be here. Nothing could change that, not now, not ever. This was his home, this was her home. It would always be. "I'm sorry." This also, spoke more than a contraction and an apology. It voiced weeks, months of regret over how his mistakes had extinguished his and hers, their dreams, their hopes. Trystane was so, so sorry.
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MYRCELLA TYRELL
 Posted: May 9 2017, 03:36 AM
Quote
Princess of Dorne
The Golden Viper
Sworn to House Martell
THE REACH
16 years
Lena • 348 posts • She/Her
Offline


how do i say goodbye
when i've loved you for so long?

"I'm here." Myrcella could cry at just the words alone. Of course he was, he had never let her down before and Myrcella was certain until they both were dead he never would. "I'm sorry." Confusion was plain upon her face before she shook her head, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around him. “I am not sorry, not ever. For anything we did.”

And it was true. She regretted how things had gone, how they had happened, but she was not sorry for with who they were done. She and Trystane, she knew, had the purest form of love, and she supposed they would until they were long dead, decades parted from one another but still a small flame in the bottom of each other’s hearts. And she loved him for it.

Trystane was her first love, her first everything. He was the one who taught her not to be afraid, who taught her how to love at all. He was her best friend and there was not a world that she could imagine to exist where they would not always be together, even if they belonged to other people.

Sure, he could have gone sooner to their parents. They could have been married first. They could have been together forever like they had always planned, had always wanted, had always meant to be. But fate had other plans and even if she was carted hundreds of miles away, she would love him, in whatever form that meant. And she wasn’t sorry.

When she looked back up at him, there were tears in her eyes. It wasn’t hard to guess why, this conversation being one they needed but not one either wanted to ever have to have. “I love you,” she started, her voice cracking with the meaning of those three little words. “I have always loved you, Trystane Martell.” And it was the truth. And she always would.

She just would never belong to him, not the way she did Willas Tyrell. And that perhaps was the most heartbreaking fact of them all, after everything. She had thrown herself into recreating what they had with Willas and it had failed. Trystane had been here, like he always had, and Willas had been with Arianne. Fate was a fickle thing, and it seemed to always come with pain.

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TRYSTANE MARTELL
 Posted: May 11 2017, 07:28 PM
Quote
Prince of Dorne
Gentle Sun
Sworn to the Seven Kingdoms
DORNE
18 years
Rikuva • 101 posts • She/Her
Offline


USED TO HAVE A LIGHT
were my light
for myrcella
She didn't have to be sorry. It wasn't on her. The mistakes he'd made were his own, and she paid the price for them. They both did, but it shouldn't have been her place to be hurt by his cowardice. She was wrapped around him, and he wrapped himself around her, her presence was familiar and at once the most comforting and the most painful thing he'd ever felt. Because he'd have to separate himself from her this day, and he'd never come to her again. "I am sorry not for what we did," Trystane whispered into her hair, having pulled back from the brink of tears enough to speak coherently. "But for what we never will," Fuck that was a sad thought, damn his mind, damn his heart, this didn't need that line, this didn't need anything of the sort. This just needed to be goodbye, it didn't need to be worse than that already was.

She looked him in the eyes and he could see the love before she voiced it. He had known it, to be true, she knew it was the same for him. He opened his mouth to return the same, but balked, words not finding purchase on his tongue. But this was goodbye. He could not back away. Not now. Not when he might not get another chance. "I love you Myrcella," He said, more whispered, but still he managed to keep his voice clear. "I always will. No distance, no change, no growth, no death, can change that." Trystane spoke with a certainty only afforded to those with nothing left to lose. But... no, that wasn't the case. Because no matter how he felt, no matter how his heart would ache for the lack of her presence, he could be assured that she lived. That she was okay. He still had something left to lose, not her, but the existence of her. "But we can't. Even if we do, we can't, not anymore. Right?" Now his tone faltered. But he needed to hear her say it, needed to know that she could be fine without him. Needed to know that she understood how things ended. Not that they were ended... though they were. It was a line that Trystane found impossible to describe, barely even to perceive. But it was a line he was forced to walk now.
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MYRCELLA TYRELL
 Posted: May 12 2017, 02:11 AM
Quote
Princess of Dorne
The Golden Viper
Sworn to House Martell
THE REACH
16 years
Lena • 348 posts • She/Her
Offline


how do i say goodbye
when i've loved you for so long?

Trystane had been a formidable presence in Myrcella’s life, a reason she became the woman she did. His being who he was in her life shaped her, molded her, created someone who was soft and kind and wonderful because of the parts of her he had exposed, parts of her he had nurtured into something more than Cersei could have ever produced on her own. "I am sorry not for what we did," His voice came and Myrcella smiled softly into his chest. "But for what we never will." Myrcella breathed out, tears falling onto the fabric of his shirt. Leave it to Trystane to wax poetic about the breaking of their shared heart, and leave it to Myrcella to find it so painfully beautiful.

When she said she loved him, she met his eyes. She had to. She had to know he knew she meant them, before she was sent off to be with a prince so far away. Trystane paused and Myrcella almost crumbled but she managed to hold on. Just a little longer, she told herself, this has to be done or you will always regret it. "I love you Myrcella. I always will. No distance, no change, no growth, no death, can change that." Tears fell and Myrcella swallowed hard, finding against her own soft nature. "But we can't. Even if we do, we can't, not anymore.” Myrcella’s eyes stayed closed as she heard his words. “Right?" Green hues, accentuated by the red rim of teary eyes, opened to stare at him. Right?

Myrcella wanted to say no. She wanted to kiss him and ask him to run away, ask him to take her away from here and this and what was certain to be an unhappy marriage. But she knew better. She knew she couldn’t do that. She knew that this, this had to be the end of it. Slowly, she began to nod, and then shake her head. “I never thought I would have to do this.” she stated, looking away from him in an effort to stop any more tears from falling. “I never thought I’d have to tell you goodbye.”

But she did have to. This was goodbye. “But if I have to… I’m glad to know that it isn’t goodbye for good. Not having you in my life the way you are meant to be is one thing but not having you in my life at all… I could never survive without you, Trystane. You’re my best friend, even more so than my love. I may travel far away from you in body, but I will always be close in heart. I always be there for you, should you need me. I can’t imagine not having you in my life, in some way at least.” It didn’t help soothe her heart now but in a way, she knew it was true. She would never again have Trystane the way he had always been, but she would always be his friend.

This is the song I’ve been listening to while writing this, rip my heart. Also was thinking – wanna do a raven thread with the ‘Myrcella announces her pregnancy’ thing? Bc feels.

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TRYSTANE MARTELL
 Posted: May 17 2017, 07:29 PM
Quote
Prince of Dorne
Gentle Sun
Sworn to the Seven Kingdoms
DORNE
18 years
Rikuva • 101 posts • She/Her
Offline


USED TO HAVE A LIGHT
were my light
for myrcella
If she had asked him then; if she had asked him to run he would have said yes. He was at his weakest, at his most pained and he would give almost anything to be able to wipe it all away. Maybe they'd have been caught, maybe it was likely, but that didn't matter to him in the moment. He would have had to try. So, really, it was good that she didn't ask. Their love, while pure, while purposeful, while passionate, would hurt those around them for it was not dutiful or smart. So they couldn't. The tears in her eyes were just barely visible, but that barely was all that it took. To know that she was hurting... Tears formed in his own eyes and slipped, silently for now.

She spoke on how it was impossible to consider not having him in her. "Me neither." He said in reply, though it was scarcely above a whisper. She spoke on their friendship, what had been built between them, beyond just romantic love, beyond anything of lust or instinct, a true connection. Built on support and loyalty. It had never been broken. Not in any massive manner at least. And that was amazing more than anything else. "I will as well." He admitted to her, looking at her, having swallowed back emotions. "Be here. Always. I cannot imagine going anywhere." I cannot imagine going anywhere without you was what he wanted to say, but they were trying to break it off. Filling minds with images of romantic travel, of a life, of a future together. Useless. Harmful. He inhaled sharply before speaking again. "We won't lose that. No one can take that, we can always take solace in that." But that didn't soften the pain of losing what they were though. "I just... Myrcella you were... you are my everything. I will rebuild it's just... it's going to hurt. It's going to be hard. But... I suppose we have to remember that many times... the hardest path is the one that is best for us." This sucked. He didn't know how to word what he was feeling, he didn't know how to tell her anything. Every once of poetic energy, of the ability to communicate seemed to be leeched from him. No, it was there. It was just not enough. It could not be enough to convey everything he felt and everything he wanted to tell her he felt.
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MYRCELLA TYRELL
 Posted: Jun 14 2017, 02:52 PM
Quote
Princess of Dorne
The Golden Viper
Sworn to House Martell
THE REACH
16 years
Lena • 348 posts • She/Her
Offline


how do i say goodbye
when i've loved you for so long?

"Me neither." Trystane replied, solemn and pained. She spoke on their relationship, something always more than the two of them. It was more than love, more than companionship, it was trust and care that she knew well now that she’d never find in another person. "I will as well." He admitted, and she nodded, looking to the sky a moment to blink back tears. "Be here. Always. I cannot imagine going anywhere."

Neither could she. But how could she tell him that? How could she betray her family by telling him that she didn’t want to go away, didn’t want to go to the Reach? It was her duty. Her duty was to leave. Why add that and only hurt them both more?

"We won't lose that. No one can take that, we can always take solace in that." Myrcella nodded again, trying to smile but her face not able to form the action. "I just... Myrcella you were... you are my everything. I will rebuild it's just... it's going to hurt. It's going to be hard. But... I suppose we have to remember that many times... the hardest path is the one that is best for us." Myrcella was pained a moment, to think this could in any way be best for them, for her, but she nodded and didn’t voice it. What use would it do to be hurt now, to let anything they said now be found with anything but sadness at the loss they faced?

“I don’t know how to exist without you.” It was so quiet, those words. “I’ve never had to. You’ve always been there, someone I could run to, but now…” She bit her bottom lip, holding back a sob. “You’ll find something else, won’t you? You’ll find something that makes you at least half as happy, something that will keep you pleased?” She couldn’t say someone in those instances, not when it hurt her to think of him with anyone else, but she knew he deserved it. If anyone in this world deserved the truth of love, it was him.

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TRYSTANE MARTELL
 Posted: Jun 19 2017, 07:25 PM
Quote
Prince of Dorne
Gentle Sun
Sworn to the Seven Kingdoms
DORNE
18 years
Rikuva • 101 posts • She/Her
Offline


USED TO HAVE A LIGHT
were my light
for myrcella
How could he do this? How could he find this strength to say goodbye to the person he had devoted himself to entirely? He decided for a moment, that he couldn't. That there was just no way, and that he had to end this right here and now, all this goodbye nonsense, would have to end. But half a moment after that... Well, he remembered all the reasons why this had to happen. And he still did not have the strength, but he had the necessity, a more potent mechanism than any kind of strength.

Myrcella told him she didn't know how to exist without him, and that was poignant for many reasons, not the least of which being that he loved her. She continued on, but when she paused and bit her lip, Trystane reached out and cupped her cheek, desperate to remove her pain though he knew any attempts to do so would be more a bandage or balm than a cure. No, his ability to heal was being stolen from him by the moment. "You won't need me. You're my lioness, and if there's one lions do not do, it is bow or run away. And worst case scenario..." Trystane paused, knowing that though he did regret his upcoming words, they might hurt more than they wouldn't. "I'm only a raven away." She continued, saying the same things, in purpose if not in phrasing, that his mother had. And it stung. Like a bitch it stung.

"Only if you do," He told her, looking into her deep eyes, eyes that he had lost himself in before, eyes that he could always envision. "I... I'll try. But only as long as I know you will too." It was so hard to think about, not only losing Myrcella, but not truly needing her anymore, finding another to fill her hole. Not to say it would ever be a perfect fit, for they were all unique, and losing anyone would create a bottomless pit forevermore. "I think I can." Trystane breathed, and smiled a strained smile. "You will have a family soon, a whole new batch of people who will love and care for you. And children of your own I'm sure." Kinda sucked to think about the implications of such a thing, so Trystane didn't. "You will have so much Myrcella. You... You will be okay." He had to speak in definites, for the moment he didn't everything would become indefinite and all would fall apart.
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